I really thought after my last post I was done with writing(by the way did you read it? its called the last time), but I may have been wrong, just as the old thoughts were clearing out of my head, some new ones took up redidency:(
after just coming of a loong 9 week hostpital stay(minus 4 short days spent at home)with my son, 4 of those weeks being in the ICU stay where my had been put on a ventulator, his failure t exchange air properley due to what I like to call, muccified lungs! muccus so incredibly thick, there was just no way for him to clear the junk out himself, with very little almost no cough..
Im now finding it hard to get life back to normal, even more so, im finding it even harder to tell who is genuine and who is fake? no peole really care? or are they just trying to cover their own ass?? theres the people who have made things to terribly wrong for my son, things that involve the chair that not only does he sit it, but is dependant on as we would our legs , or our motor transportation to get around from place to place, its a set that I have been complaining about for so long now, but my voice really went on heard, and theres others too, like one that watches the curve in his back develope and yet tell me everything is go, keep up the good work,at point do people pay for making my son sick? for hurting him this way??well the answer to that is pretty simple, they don't... and at the end of the day its me! im the one that went about things all wrong,i didn't notice things getting worse, I didn't make my voice louder to make sure it was heard, I let people fail my boy, and I myself, the one person in his life that should never let him down too had failed him..im slowly picking up the pieces and moving foward with plan and for once, getting the right people involved and surrounding my son with people who really can and want to help... but I can not look back over the past few years or look at my boy and not see the damage I may have caused, and what those long term effects may be are yet unknown,
how will he ever forgive me? he doesnt even know it was really me, how do I forgive myself??tomorrows another day, and another chapter has passed, just wish I could rip out the last couple years worth of pages and re write them, I reall good and talented writer would be able to do that...
I guess im not so talented or so great after all,
