inside my heart

If you could see into my past you may not like who you see
I did alot of things at such a young age, would be anything but smiled upon,
but if you looked into my heart, you would see, I was just a girl, trying to find my way, just wanting someone to be proud of her, love her.
I didn't always make good decisions, I tried things for the life of me I have no idea why, I hurt people not even wanting to, people hurt me, not sure if they were even aware.
But if you look into my present you will see, who I was back then has made me who I am today, you may not like who you see, I lived a life back then, today I have no regerets, but memories.
if you look into my heart you will see, 3 of the most beautiful children, who I try everyday to make them the best person they can be, I want them to outshine the person I use to be, and to be bigger then I am today, I want them to accomplish so much more.
when you look at me, you see a mom with 3 kids, one with special needs, you look at me and see someone to feel sorry for, you feel pitty, but look through my eyes, and you will see what I see, a life very complete, a very proud mom, with 3 kids who I couldn't love more, a boy with special needs, who has brought out a strength in me, I never knew I was capable of having, he orgonizes a part of my brain that is otherwise scattered, he fills my heart that before him, was searching for someone more to love, he fills that part of me that I thought noone could ever love.
Look into my future, I don't know what you may see, But I no longer feel the need to run from that girl I use to be, I will move foward in a walking motion, with memories I can bring with me, but have no shame, judge me, you might, but you can't say im not doing it right.
If you look into my heart Im a much kinder person but harsh and tough when I need to be, but still can be soft and I cry for reasons sometimes I don't even know...but
before I close my eyes at night, I think I made it through another day, and I pray that tomorrow we can too,
you look at my face, it always looks the same, maybe a smile if your lucky, they don't come easy,
but if you could see inside my heart you would see the mom, who tries as ahe might, and only hope she takes care of her boy right, but what will happen come that fateful day?? Its a world of fear where that part of my heart lives all alone, so before judging one, just try to first understand...